Of all the challenges co-parenting presents, one of the toughest is to spend Christmas without your kids. While you’d prefer to spend the day differently, it’s still possible to make the best of things and turn your Christmas into a positive one – it’s your day too and you deserve to enjoy it.
Here are some tips to help you cope with the challenges of facing Christmas without your children, so you can make the best of it and enjoy the day.
1. Keep things in perspective
One big step towards brightening up your Christmas is to look at the big picture. You want the best for your kids, and as much as you’ll miss them this year, it’s good for them to be able to enjoy their special occasions with each of their parents.
Celebrate this win for them knowing that this is all part of co-parenting and you’ll get your chance to celebrate with them, even if it’s not on December 25th. Christmas Day is a special day, but it’s not nearly as special as your kids are.
2. Plan ahead for support
Be prepared for what the day will throw at you and have some strategies ready to help you through. Talk in advance to the people you can count on, perhaps arranging to chat with them on the day or just to be aware of their availability should you need them.
Make some plans for what you’ll do during the day, whether that’s spending time with other friends and family, going out or just staying home to do your own thing. Give your day some structure, but don’t overcommit yourself so that it becomes a burden – leave yourself some room to change your plans if they’re not working for you.
3. Self-care
When the day comes, it’s natural that even with the best preparation you’ll still have moments when you find it hard. Start your day by looking after yourself. Take a moment to recognise that, yes, the day will have its challenges, but you deserve to enjoy your Christmas too.
Accept your emotions. Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. Acknowledge your feelings, then let them pass. Take some deep breaths, have a cup of tea, take a bath – do whatever works for you. Take that time for yourself whenever you need it, don’t just force yourself to push through.
4. Make the most of the day you have
This is also a chance to see the glass as half-full and embrace some ‘me time’ while you have it. As busy parents, we don’t often get time to ourselves. This is your day and how you spend it is up to you. Just don’t forget to treat yourself with a thoughtful gift and something nice to eat.
You can do whatever you like: watch a movie, read a book, get out into nature, or maybe indulge in that hobby you don’t often get the time for. You’ve earned some self-love over the past twelve months, so enjoy it.
5. Do Christmas your way, whenever it happens
How you choose to spend your Christmas, both on the day and when you eventually get to celebrate with your kids, is up to you. The different circumstances of your Christmas give you a chance to start new traditions and do things your way. It won’t be the same as it was before, but why shouldn’t that be a positive? Be open to possibility and embrace the difference.
Above all, don’t try to conform or compete – not with your ex, not with the past, and not with anyone else’s idea of Christmas. Think of what Christmas means to you, then make it as simple or as over-the-top as you see fit.
6. Reflect on your achievements
Even though this Christmas feels different, it’s still a time to celebrate. Take some time to recognise all you’ve achieved throughout the year. Co-parenting can be tricky, so every success you have on the journey is worth acknowledging. You’ve done your very best for your kids and for yourself, and that’s something to be proud of. Learn from your successes and use them to set some goals for the coming year. You have plenty to get excited about!
Finally, give yourself a pat on the back for getting through this difficult day. It’s not an easy prospect and you should feel very proud of yourself.
7. Reach out for further help
If at any time you feel you need further help, whether it’s on the day or in the lead-up to Christmas, know that you are not alone. The following resources are available to support you:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
- 13 Yarn offers support for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people: 13 92 76
- In an emergency, call 000
Spending Christmas without your kids isn’t what you’d choose, but sometimes it’s a part of co-parenting – it’s a compromise you make for the sake of your kids. That doesn’t mean we can’t still make the most of the occasion and enjoy the day, and we hope that the advice we’ve provided can help you to do that.
For separated families, Christmas can be a time that raises difficult issues that need to be attended to. If you need assistance with divorce matters, child custody arrangements, or any other family law issues, Capelin Law is here to help. With a free, no-obligation 15-minute Discovery Call, we’ll listen, get to know your situation, answer your questions, and suggest a way forward. Book with us here.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Capelin Law!
